Jeff Priskorn [dot] com

Local Man Enjoys 
Serendipity of Finishing 
Jar of Mayonnaise on 
Day It Expires

ATTICA, NY Local artist Bart Mathews experienced a joyful rarity today when he polished off his 24 oz. jar of Hellmann's Mayonnaise on the very day it was set to expire, according to the manufacturer's suggestion on the label.

"It's something that's never happened to me, at least that I can remember," said Mathews, 33, setting down his artist's brush. "Normally, I don't even look at the date on the label, since you can usually tell by the odor whether it's still edible or not. But I just happened to glance at it today as I was making a sandwich for my evening snack."

Mathews, a bachelor who admits to using mayonnaise "not that often", spent several minutes attempting to remember the day's date before making the serendipitous connection. "How many times in a man's life can he truly feel the sense of completion he feels when finishing a product on the exact day it expires?" Mathews asked reflectively. "Something like this can really create a bond between consumer and producer."

A spokesman for Hellmann's Corporation cautioned that the date imprinted on their product labels is merely a suggestion for use. "In fact," added the spokesman, "frequently the product life is much longer than the suggested date. We just like to play it safe."

Mathews was unfazed, however. "When hunger and perishable food items converge, the demand hardly ever meets or exceeds the supply," he said. "To be involved in an experience like this, hoo boy, it's hard to even put it into words."

Mathews plans to wash the empty jar thoroughly before displaying it prominently in his kitchen. "Every day I see that jar," he mused, "it will be a reminder to me of the good things that can happen in life. I will never forget this day. This jar will be treasured for the rest of my life."

As he prepared to clean up the the mess that was his painting area, Mathews quipped, "Of course, it would be handy for washing out brushes, too."

Copyright 2001, Jeff Priskorn. All rights reserved.

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