Jeff Priskorn [dot] com

Big Star Admits He
Doesn't Like The Beatles

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Megastar actor and comedian Jim Carrey admitted on Friday that he "never liked the Beatles", shocking fans of the 60's musical supergroup worldwide. "I just never got into their sound," Carrey explained under the glittering lights of the premiere of his new movie, The Grinch. "It seems like a rite of passage for big stars these days to put the Beatles on some sort of pedestal and credit them with influencing so much of your life. Well, sorry folks, but that's not me," Carrey continued, in a voice reminiscent of his character in the movie Ace Ventura.

"I just cannot believe he was telling truth," local magazine vendor Haliz Aba said. "You know Mr. Carrey, he is very great comedian. He was making joke. I know it. Because in my country, Beatles are sacred like cow. Only don't taste as good. Get it?" Aba inquired. "I as funny as Mr. Carrey, right?"

Said Carrey, "I'm Canadian, you know, and, well, we're pretty nationalistic about everything. If I'm going to like anything other than Canadian music, it might have to be the French, because of Quebec and all. It most certainly will not be British! Noooooo sirree! But really, growing up I was just totally into the Guess Who and especially Rush," Carrey remarked. "Look at them, they're still rockin' after 25 years! I mean, how long were the Beatles together, anyway? Five years? That's nothing."

Beatle-hater Carrey

Tim Estin, Carrey's rep from the Creative Artists Agency, was flabbergasted when informed of Carrey's comments. "Jim knows, as well as anyone in the industry, the three taboos of Hollywood. Don't talk about religion, don't discuss any potential plastic surgery, and most of all, do not show the Beatles any disrespect! It's just common knowledge, and it's not like Jim to do something this rash and injurious to his character. We are on full damage control, effective immediately." After a pause, Estin continued, "Now hold on a moment. Are we absolutely certain that he didn't just say, 'I don't like needles'?"

Carrey's aversion to the Beatles first came to light last month, when he declined to appear on ABC's Beatles Anthology special. Dozens of other celebrities made appearances on the special, relating their fond memories of the Beatles and the band's effect on their lives. A memo from Carrey's agency regarding the matter was obtained by sources within ABC. It reads in part: "Due to Mr. Carrey's extremely busy schedule and his ambivalence vis a vis the Beatles, he must decline the offer to appear on the Beatles Anthology special. Mr. Carrey sends his well wishes, along with his fervent hope that those involved with the special will get a life."

Back at the premiere, Renee Zellweger, Carrey's longtime companion, was in an apparent state of sheer disbelief at his fatuous comments. Refusing to speak to the gathered media, she whisked Carrey into the theater, vigorously jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow as they walked. Those nearby reported that Zellweger was muttering something about "career suicide" as the couple passed out of earshot.

The premiere of The Grinch was nevertheless met with rave reviews.

Copyright 2000, Jeff Priskorn. All rights reserved.